Justina Syokau has shared the challenges she faced when leaving an abusive marriage, highlighting the lack of support from her own mother. In a candid interview, Syokau revealed that her mother, rather than encouraging her to leave the toxic relationship, wanted her to endure the hardships out of fear of societal stigma.
Syokau expressed that her mother-in-law’s indifference added to her distress, especially considering her husband’s infidelity. Recounting her experience, she stated, “In the Kamba community, being a single mother is perceived as a failure and brings shame to the family. I vividly remember a day when I was instructed to leave my marital home, and my mother was present but chose not to intervene.”
Furthermore, Syokau disclosed the unsettling behavior of her mother-in-law, who would occasionally invade her personal space by sitting or sleeping in her bed. When she voiced her discomfort, her husband would proudly prioritize his mother over their relationship, exacerbating the strain on their marriage.
Reflecting on her journey, Syokau emphasized the importance of maturity in marriage, advising against early unions. She remarked, “We are often taught to pursue education, establish a career, and then consider marriage. Those who marry young often lack the maturity to navigate the challenges. If I had waited to marry, I might not have endured the hardships I faced.”
In the face of depression within her marriage, Syokau longed for a supportive mother figure but eventually decided to stop explaining herself to others who couldn’t understand her struggles. She concluded, “I was so depressed in that marriage and wished I had a mother who would stand up for me. Initially, I would try to explain my situation to people, but realizing they didn’t comprehend, I chose to let them assume what they wanted.”
In offering advice to parents, she urged them to advocate for their children, citing her own lack of support. Syokau acknowledged her late father-in-law as the sole supporter during those challenging times, lamenting the indifference of her ex-husband, who would casually take her to his family’s home with the dismissive statement, “Nkichoka nirudi kwetu” (When you’re tired, you can go back to your family).
