For the longest time, I didn’t understand why I kept getting hospitalized. I was constantly drained, stressed, and emotionally exhausted. What I didn’t realize was that I had been carrying the emotional burdens of everyone around me—family, friends, and relationships. I gave so much of myself trying to fix others that I completely forgot to take care of me.
I used to believe I could change people—their behaviors, their attitudes, even how they treated me. I longed for love, acceptance, and to be seen for who I really was, without conditions. But slowly, I came to a painful realization: to some people, I was simply a provider—someone to lean on, not out of love, but convenience.
My frequent hospital visits were not just medical—they were emotional warnings. I often felt suffocated, alone, and deeply overwhelmed. Depression would sneak in quietly, and I kept wondering what was truly wrong.
During those difficult times, Nelly Oaks stood by me. And yet, even in that relationship, I sometimes blamed the stress on small arguments, thinking they were the cause of my breakdowns. But the real issue was deeper.
Breaking up with Nelly led me to another painful chapter—falling into the hands of a manipulative person. Though that experience hurt, it taught me powerful lessons about emotional abuse, gaslighting, and the importance of self-awareness. That was a blessing in disguise.
Then came the family fallout in 2022–2023. It was one of the toughest seasons of my life, but it opened my eyes. I learned to build boundaries. I realized I kept returning to environments where I wasn’t respected. I had to stop pretending everything was fine just because we met at a family event and smiled. Those cycles of emotional pain had to end.
Today, my life feels lighter. I no longer feel the need to explain myself. I live peacefully. I once asked Nelly, “Why don’t I end up in the hospital anymore, even though I’m still busy?” And he replied, “Because you’re at peace, and no one is triggering you.” That response hit deep.
Now, I protect my space. I avoid anything that disturbs my peace. I live simply, surrounded by a small but loyal circle. I stay home a lot, alone but never lonely.
If you’ve been feeling emotionally drained, ask yourself: What’s eating you from the inside? You might discover that you’re suffering for people who wouldn’t even check in if you were gone.
I want to honor a few people who have shown me true, unconditional love:
- My Nelly
- My dad Josy
- My grandfather Ogendi
- My baby daddy, Wuon Ojwang
- My uncle Mark
- And my sister-in-law, Faith Odero—you are a real one.
These are the people I know would feel my absence deeply. Besides my children, they’ve shown me love without expectations or judgment.
Thank you for loving me the way I am. May you be blessed abundantly.
I have rested… and now I’m going back to work. 💛
