Ruz Hoff, a certified Child Protection Specialist, Social Empowerment Advocate & Coach, and Speaker, originally from Uganda with Rwandan-Ugandan heritage, now residing in Germany, recently expressed her perspective on marriage in a YouTube video. Hoff, who has spent considerable time in Germany, shared that she has reached a point where she cannot envision marrying an African man.
In her video, Hoff articulated that she perceives herself as incompatible with the traditional role expectations of an African wife. She highlighted the emphasis on certain physical attributes, specifically mentioning the expectation of having a well-shaped and ample derrière, colloquially referred to as a ‘Nyash,’ which she feels she does not possess. Hoff went on to discuss the pressure to conform to specific curves, which she believes she lacks.
The social worker also delved into her discomfort with certain rigid beliefs prevalent in African cultures. She asserted that in African societies, there is a common expectation for men to be regarded as kings, a concept she finds comparable to the American practice of referring to partners as ‘my king’ or ‘my queen,’ which she dismisses as nonsensical.
“I don’t subscribe to that, but I know from the African culture where I come from and from other African people that I have interacted with, the men are seen as gods in the family. Here I am, someone who doesn’t subscribe to that belief; I believe in equal partnership,” she explained.
Hoff expressed her desire for a balanced partnership, where her husband might be considered a ‘king’ in certain instances but without the traditional servitude associated with African cultural norms. She pointed out her reluctance to adopt a role she perceives as that of a servant or peasant, as she believes is often the case for married women in Africa. This, she emphasized, is a significant factor in her decision not to marry an African man, even under various circumstances.
