Recently, my perspectives on relationships have undergone a profound transformation, shaking the very core of my beliefs. It has become evident to me that many of us, especially those residing in Nairobi, project a facade in our interactions. Nairobi seems to be a grand social experiment where one needs a touch of cunning to navigate.
This city teaches you to speak without truly saying anything. It is a place of performance, where Nairobi itself is a stage, and its inhabitants mere players. Conversations often take peculiar turns, with questions leading to partial answers that serve as springboards for other topics. Everyone seems to have an agenda, something they want to express or avoid sharing.
Through numerous dates, I’ve realized that the ideals I once held sacred as a young man, such as physical appearances, are not what sustains a meaningful relationship. Although physical attributes like an appealing figure catch my eye, they don’t define the success of a partnership.
Allow me to share a true story without mentioning names. A woman, whom we’ll call Cindy, recently proposed marriage to me. However, I was taken aback when I asked what she brought to the table, and she simply replied, “The table” — jokingly referring to her value. Nonetheless, it startled me because I value a partner’s unique qualities and humor in a relationship. I wish her the best of luck, though.
One of the reasons it didn’t work out with Cindy was that she seemed to rely solely on her physical attributes. Yet, I don’t hold any grudge against physical attractiveness, and in fact, I appreciate it. However, some Kenyan men’s fixation on physical features like “nyash” has played a part in making it seem like the most crucial aspect of a person. Let me clarify that I come from Luhya land, where we don’t emphasize such attributes excessively.
Focusing too much on physical appearances has led to unfortunate consequences, with some women resorting to risky cosmetic procedures like Brazilian Butt Lifts (BBL) to conform to society’s standards. These procedures can be dangerous and have even resulted in deaths. Additionally, some may alter their skin tone, believing that light-skinned women with prominent features gain an advantage in life.
While physical attractiveness might attract attention initially, it won’t sustain a relationship. As the scales fall from men’s eyes, the true value of a person lies in their character, conversational skills, and overall attitude.
Historically, some men preferred women with prominent curves due to certain health and biological factors. Nevertheless, intelligence and resistance to diseases are not solely determined by physical appearances, but rather a combination of various factors.
In Nairobi, nyash has taken the central stage as a desire for men. However, let me emphasize that while it might initially catch one’s eye, engaging conversation, a positive attitude, and a strong personality are what truly keep someone captivated in a relationship.
Nairobi is a place filled with passion and allure, but it’s essential to recognize that lasting relationships are not built on superficialities or fleeting desires. Rather, they are nurtured by meaningful connections and mutual understanding.
So, my advice to you, my brother, is to realize that nyash is not everything in a relationship. Embrace the qualities that truly matter, and you’ll savor the richness of life. Otherwise, you may find yourself disillusioned in relationships based on shallow premises. Consider this a word of warning – “kitakuramba!” I’ve warned you.