Team Mafisi Internal Memo
Dear all, it has come to our attention that a new character is roaming in this town. Pampered and choreographed. She masquerades to know much. She talks of cars and marriage. She talks of love and men. And you are all asleep #teamMafisi!
She is a 9 series. Just a twenty something year old divine munchkin born in nineties. She does not know Matiba. She knows Clinton is a woman and not a former President. She knows Fally Pupa, Lil Wayne, Miley Cyrus, Elani and Sauti Sol. Franco Lwambo Makiadi to her is epic. Kofi Olomide is epic too. Njoya, 2pac, Katitu boys Band, Moi, Mwakenya, Saitoti, Wamugunda name them …survived Before Christ. She is smart. She even knows Raila is a dictator. She believes Raila has killed and displaced people in this great republic.
I am told she is called Njoki something. Njookio, thanks to parents. Wakurandaranda! Anyway, her name is not important for now. But why should someone call you Roaming! Are you a network, an Oxygen molecule Or a Blue Subaru! Thanks to one of our members who Blue Subaru her. We don’t know what the fisi did to attract the hatred but kudos the mission was accomplished. Wholly consummate. Epic and lasting. Sweet and bitter. It was ghastly and appalling. We can’t trace him since real men do not kiss and tell. Real thugs do not mess with relatives.
We call on our teams please don’t hurt her more. She needs some love and tender care. She is young and human. She deserves attention for good and for worse.
Well, the difference between a Subaru and a Porcupine is that when it comes to a Subaru, the prick is on the inside. The board has also established that the girl believes a friend don’t let a friend drive a Subaru. She believes a Subaru with dual exhaust is called a wheelbarrow.
The youngster has a good height. A nice one from far. About her beauty it’s you to judge beauty. All we know from a distant is that she is an Ipad. Flexible and digital. She is an amalgamation of striking softwares. Portable and well shaped for any adventurous browsing. Figure tuliachia Vera Sidkia.
Team Mafisi (TM) board does not mean that she is out of this world. The memo is to remind you that you are either sleeping on your job or using the wrong car to derail this 9 series. She is worthy a small hunt. A prophetic chase. If you find her ugly, try alcohol. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beerholder. And you can switch off lights for her ugly face. In that darkness have an imaginary Rihanna and chase your dream. Enjoy the strong imaginary rapapam vibe. Shimo ni shimo ya nyoka ndiyo mbaya. Or assume it Mileys and wrecking the balls. Boss that’s being over ambitious. Try Elani’s Moreen. Kookooo! She deserves to be eaten like the real luhya chicken. A fly, sensational, radiant, stunning, arresting and elegant pizza. You might confuse her of a walking angel. Oops! Even in village suits and attires she strongly bribes our virgin brains with great charm.
There are no gentlemen. They die young of stress and sacrifices. Jesus did. We are just patient wolves waiting for the right time to strike.
If she is a great catch, be creative. Drop her small head in honey and literally lick it to the last cell. Try new things. Normal is boring. They all love new things. Like Laura and the intercontinental hotel bill. For the first time she spent Sh 229, 505. Like the Artur brothers, their extravagant ambitions and the cheap city girls. Cheap for fame and money. Or even the girls and love of new models like Vits. Well it’s a TOYOTA. Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto.
Njookia in her 20s she should know men run this town. Yes! We run it like a club at night. At her 30 when the world is celebrating the Animals day, she should celebrate the X. The dogs! Wild, charming and craft.
Traditionally girls don’t learn from previous mistakes. The rules are still the same. They love our bad ways. Promise her heaven. Tell her what she wants to hear. Later if she asks why you have not delivered any of what you promised, take her to the bed. Tell her to close her eyes. Slowly play with her eyebrows, her cheeks and face. Tell her to close her eyes and dream. Let her dream. And let life goes on.
Be smart, if she says, “sina gas,” give her 5k. If she talks of a gynecologist so that you can have good sex know that she wants 10k for her expensive shopping. The shopping is of no value to you. Thus, keep her waiting. If she talks of 20 k tv imenyongwa know that she hasn’t paid for her apartment somewhere in Roysambu. The chance just came early. Provide her with accommodation. If she talks of 100k engine ya gari imekufa think smart kwani yeye ni shamba unanua!
On top of that surprises ziwe your secret weapon so ziwe kwa wingi: chapati and nyanya aka Pizza, grapes products aka alcohol, mayai mbichi and unga aka ice cream or unga na sukari aka chocolates anytime yawa.
Your team mafisi spokesperson (Akhasakhulu Patroba)
On behalf of the Chief Executive