Amakove Wala: How I Survived Six Years in a Marriage Without ‘Twa Twa Twa’

Amakove Wala, the forward-thinking founder of Wanderlust Diaries, recently shared her profound insights on ‘Shared Moments with Justus,’ shedding light on the valuable lessons gleaned from the challenges of her past marriage.

Back in 2006, Amakove entered into a marital union that exhibited early warning signs. Despite these indicators, societal expectations and the pressure to conform prompted her to overlook the red flags. Considering herself a “good student of life,” Amakove believed she could navigate any challenges that surfaced within the bounds of her marriage.

Even before exchanging vows, she sensed impending issues, but she found comfort in adhering to society’s checkboxes. As someone who excelled in various aspects of her life, Amakove sought to compensate for marital shortcomings by excelling in her career and parenting.

The facade began to crumble when she lost her well-paying job in 2013. Amakove openly disclosed that her marriage had reached a point where sex became a tool of control, bordering on sexual abuse. Reflecting on this, she expressed, “Sex was almost used as a tool. It was sexual abuse now that I think of it. It was given when he wanted or denied as a way to punish you. Most people don’t understand how a husband can deny his wife sex.”

This realization served as a turning point for her, prompting introspection into feelings of inadequacy and the realization that she couldn’t fix everything.

The breakdown of her marriage triggered a cascade of challenges, from financial struggles to health issues and property disputes. As a natural fixer, Amakove found herself unable to mend the fractures in her relationship, leading to a period of personal turmoil.

“One day I was called by the landlord and was told rent for almost two months had not been paid. I was then called by the school and was told not to take my kids to school as school fees had not been paid. I was also called by a company we had brought property in and was told that they were selling the property because there was a charge (1.2 million) which had not been paid.”

Her journey towards healing and empowerment commenced with a shift in mentality. Amakove acknowledged that the failure of her marriage was not solely her responsibility. With the support of her family and friends, she emerged from the chaos, both financially and emotionally.